Disappointed to myself

Today is the 1st day of final exam.
Am2..
I'm not sure will ' da bao' or not..
Just let it be.

So, now need to memorize PP1 for tmr.
Too many bab need to cover.
Honestly,
I don't know how to start it.

Quite disappointed to myself.
Freaking hate this type of feeling.
This feeling come to attack me again.
I don't know how to overcome it.
Just felt like shame to face other.
Hate it.

Sometimes isn't live like a dumb will better?
At least can't 'dak zui' others.
I'm just like a idiot.
I don't know how to communicate with others.
I don't know how I share my thinking with you'll.
I always makes misunderstanding my meaning.
I just like a stupid.
I don't know how to build a relationships with other.
I don't know how to talk.
I don't know how to show my care to other.

More I've talk, more mistake I've make.
No ppl understanding.
Just be a annoying person.
Isn't alone is better?
At the end,
I'm alone.

Sometimes after I said something,
actually I not mention anything.
But, I've said in incorrect ways.
I don't have speaking skill.
I don't know how to describe my opinion.
That why, I always hurt other,
but sometimes I didn't realise it.
I really not willing to hurt other.
This what we call stupid. Idiot.

Is possible, have a person understand me?
I think no.
Except God.
The only one who know me well.

How I change?
Isn't the only solution-
Don't talk.
or talk by using brain.